Bluffing

A story of rugby, identity, and hiding in plain sight

A memoir from a former pro rugby player who grew up on a farm in New Zealand with a dream of one day playing for the All Blacks. The difficulty was, Campbell Johnstone was gay. Petrified his team-mates would find out, Campbell lived a closeted life, disguising his disinterest in women with alcohol and binge-drinking. He idolised his older brothers, his tough-as-nails father, and no-nonsense mother, but the thought of them finding out was unbearable.

Bluffing is Campbell's journey growing up in the 1980s against a backdrop of anti-gay sentiment and discrimination - it was still illegal for men to have sexual relations until 1986 - and how he hid is true self in his journey through professional rugby. Campbell would eventually realise his childhood dream, playing for the All Blacks alongside greats of the game like Richie McCaw and Dan Carter. But at what cost?

Bluffing is a journey by a young man navigating professional sport who ultimately finds happiness in accepting who he always was.